It has been awhile since I last posted but to be quite honest with you, I am continuing to struggle in one area of my life and I’ve become blocked. The big question that I have been contemplating for the past few weeks is this:
What does it mean to surrender all to God and how do I do it? Is it cruising through life in the hopes that the Lord will take me under His wing and control all that life throws at me, without me having to lift a finger? Is it sitting in prayer and meditation each morning for as long as I feel the need and then calling it quits when I am finished? Reading my Bible, in search of Scripture that tells me it’s okay to “sin” because Jesus has saved me and all is well? Volunteering to pray with others as they face crisis while I’m sitting on the other side with a crisis of my own?
Don’t get me wrong! I love the Lord and I love people. I do treasure and guard the time I spend with Him. I honestly don’t know where I would be if I didn’t turn to Him. I need that connection each day and I want to be better for Him. I deeply desire to make a difference in His Kingdom by sharing the Gospel, encouraging others and telling my story of what He’s done through me. I enjoy all that I do for Him in the name of love! There is absolutely no other place I’d rather be than sitting quietly with Him. There is one teeny tiny distraction and it seems to get me every single time…Sugar!
I am driven by sugar! It determines my outlook on life and some days this makes me extremely upset and other days I’m not bothered. Today, I’m bothered!
I have been reading a book called, “Truly Free” by Pastor Robert Morris. I started it soon after my Prayer 101 class which ended on March 15th. I experienced a great deal of spiritual growth through the eight weeks of this class. I grew bold and courageous in prayer with others, I met wonderful people, my leader was a perfect example of who I would like to be. He did not push his thoughts and opinions on us nor did he tell us exactly how to pray or what to say. He put down the foundation and he allowed the Holy Spirit to take over. I have thought much about him because I strive to be that mature in faith!
It was shortly after this that disconnection began. I felt lost, didn’t know what to do next, prayed about the prayer team at church, felt the need to start a crisis course through the Billy Graham website, had a car accident, then my daughter had a car accident and then her best friend had a car accident. Thank God, nobody was injured! There was much upheaval in my life and where did I turn? Jesus for sure but ahead of Him was the sugar.
I was reminded of Scripture from Matthew 6:24:
No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
And in my case, you cannot serve both God and sugar! I am about to undergo a complete clean-out because John 2:14-16 spoke loud and clear:
In the temple area he (Jesus) saw merchants selling cattle, sheep, and doves for sacrifices; he also saw dealers at tables exchanging foreign money. Jesus made a whip from some ropes and chased them all out of the Temple. He drove out the sheep and cattle, scattered the money changers’ coins over the floor, and turned over their tables. Then, going over to the people who sold doves, he told them, “Get these things out of here. Stop turning my Father’s house into a marketplace!”
Let me just follow that Scripture up with 1 Corinthians 6:19,20
Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.
There is a three-ring circus going on in my temple! Emotions, thoughts and actions are all over the place. Simply out of control and making excuses every day! I have been doing this for most of my life which I wrote about in “Wonderfully Made,” so I will try not to repeat myself. The first part of that post states:
I signed up for Weight Watchers Online for the fourth time.
Well, now I can say that I’ve signed up for Weight Watchers Online for the fifth time!
This sounds incredibly silly to me at the moment but yet devastating!! I’m truly addicted to sugar. I cannot for the life of me get it under control. I go a day or two without it and you’d think that it’s been years. My mood drops, I have no energy, and I feel like I’m in prison. The other day I told myself that God doesn’t want me to live this way. I’m supposed to be free to worship and serve Him. I feel like I’m stuck in darkness. If only I can have just one chocolate. This will make me feel better. Aren’t I supposed to be sitting quietly and praying to God instead of heading towards the pantry not once but twice for a handful of chocolates? This is serious business!
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice–the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
I commend the people that have been freed from their addictions. I just don’t understand why I struggle and why I can’t stop? I know God is a mighty warrior and I know that He can do anything. Believe me, I’ve prayed for an instant release but for some reason it hasn’t happened. I’m not mad at Him. I’m just confused. What is it that needs to be done? What am I missing? I surrender (or so I think I’m surrendering) and it’s an all out war in the kitchen.
I was serving on the Prayer and Crisis Referral Network last night and I had a prayer request for a healthy lifestyle. This person wanted to quit smoking, eat healthy and lose weight. That could have been me calling in, minus the smoking. Thankfully, I was prayed up before I started my prayer shift because if it would have been in my own strength, the prayer would have been defeating and a disaster because this is my own personal experience!
Am I to pray to God for release from this addiction and do nothing or am I to pray this request as well as doing something? If I were addicted to alcohol, I would need to stop drinking. If I were addicted to drugs, I would have to stop using drugs. If I were addicted to pornography, I would have to stop watching. I’m addicted to sugar, so I need to stop consuming it. Does this make sense or am I making things up? Am I mixed up? Am I rationalizing? Am I listening to God?
According to 1 Peter 5:8, I need to be sober and vigilant, which gives me the idea that I need to take some sort of action. Would you say this is true?
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
Hebrews 12:14, 16 say this:
Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Make sure that no one is immoral or godless like Esau, who traded his birthright as the firstborn son for a single meal.
Work is a verb which is an action word. It doesn’t say, sit back and let Jesus take care of it all. I think if He were going to do that, He would have done that a long time ago.
I don’t know what I’m looking for here. Do I need a direct word from God? Do I need to hear Him clearly shout at me and demand my obedience and if I don’t follow through, punishment is to follow?
2 Corinthians 12:8-10
Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Yes, I’m extremely weak and I do need God’s grace and mercy! I need self-control and I know that I cannot do it on my own. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but I do have faith and trust that God is going nowhere. That He will walk beside me and we will get through this together.
Thanks for reading and please pray for me!
Wishing all of you abundant blessings!