I did not exactly know all the details but in God’s perfect timing, I began to slowly understand. At first, completely in the dark; I knew something was about to change, and I felt great expectation along with apprehension that SOMEONE was at work: defending, battling, accomplishing, and winning.
For at least three weeks, I sat down to pray and read the Holy Bible, the inspired Word of God, and I was distracted, grappling, and perplexed. The intimate exchange that I am accustomed to was not evidently present. God silent! No, this cannot be! I saw no direction, I had no clue where He was taking me, but I knew that I trusted Him. He has taught and cared for me well; why would this chain of unfortunate events be any different?
As we made our way to the hallway, I sensed an unseen activity. Something did not feel quite right. As a matter of fact, the entire exchange was puzzling. It was not until the door closed at Thanksgiving, her imprint still fresh on my cheek, that I realized the spiritual atmosphere had taken an unexpected turn. There was confusion, and awkwardness, a void in the closing words and it was not until an hour or so later that my suspicions had been confirmed. I was shocked, fearful, and at a loss for words. I knew at that moment, there was no way out! It would be an act of God if we were to escape unscathed! It would be by His mercy and grace, alone! I found myself standing at the edge of a critical opportunity, the result unknown to me but fully known to God. He always has a plan, and it is good!
After Thanksgiving, I experienced several days of silence and darkness, imagining all sorts of disastrous scenarios and teetering on the cusp of fear and depression. I was on my own, but not alone, if that makes any sense? I knew the choice was mine, but I also knew that God was with me, whatever that choice came to be. All to familiar with anxiety, fear, and panic, I knew immediately, this was not the favorable route and I questioned:
“Where does my peace come from? During challenge and disappointment, where do I find refuge? It comes from God!”
This was the direction I aimed for and I declared this to God as I stepped forward in faith!
I will not fall into the traps of the enemy! I will not succumb to old behaviors and strategies! I will be still and wait on God. He is doing new things and I will not disrupt His sanctifying process within me! I want what He has for me!
Even though I heard not a peep from God, I still sought Him daily, thanked Him, and praised Him! As best as I could muster, I looked forward to the things He was doing. I repeatedly told Him:
“I rest in you, I trust in you, and I will wait on you!”
It was days later, that He drew me to the book, “Hinds’ Feet on High Places,” by Hannah Hurnard. This was the first part of the Lord’s vital provision that I had been praying for, an open door, light in the place of darkness, and I took it in gratefully. As I read, I felt the current burdens begin to lift:
“During the awful moment or two it seemed to Much-Afraid that she was actually looking into an abyss of horror, into an existence in which there was no Shepherd to follow or to trust or to love—no Shepherd at all, nothing but her own horrible self. Ever after, it seemed that she had looked straight into Hell. At the end of that moment Much-Afraid shrieked—there is no other word for it.”
Thank you, Jehovah Jireh, you are the Lord who provides! You supply all that we need each and every day. When times are bleak and disheartening, scary and paralyzing, directionless and hopeless, you are there, Jehovah Shammah. Thank you! Even when we cannot see our way, you are there to guide and to protect us. You are so faithful, good, and kind!
We must be alert to all activity around us, what is seen, and what is unseen! As believers in the death, burial, and resurrection of the Lord, Jesus Christ, we have the power and the authority to conquer and overcome but we must stay vigilant, in tune, and in line with God. He is our trustworthy Guide throughout life, our voice of Wisdom, our Protector, our Savior, and so much more. He is our life, our joy, and peace!
Just as Much-Afraid called out to the Shepherd, I did the same; I had no choice. The heaviness of the Lord’s hand was upon me and to refuse Him was just not an option! The Lord’s next provision came from Isaiah 42:16 (ESV):
“And I will lead the blind
in a way that they do not know,
in paths that they have not known
I will guide them.
I will turn the darkness before them
the rough places into level ground.
These are the things I do,
and I do not forsake them.”
David proclaimed in the Psalms (another source of God’s provision) his trust and love of the Lord. He knew where his help came from. He had great faith that as he prayed to the Father, he was heard, and answered. I hold onto this declaration for myself! As manna fell from the sky in Exodus, providing the Israelites with their daily nourishment, I too, can rest knowing that all my needs will be met according to God’s will, plan, and purpose and the same goes for all of God’s children! What He has done throughout the Bible in the lives of people and circumstance, He still does today. In each day of struggle and confusion, the Lord is there to give insight and encouragement. He is an ever-present help in times of trouble. He really is with us; He will bless us with what we need to keep moving forward.
After all these special revelations, I am feeling uplifted, content, and thankful that I am not in this valley all by my lonesome. None of us are! As we turn and lean heavily on God, we will be rewarded! During my fourteen-day quarantine along with another two weeks of waiting to see the dentist (yes, there is more to this story) I am given spiritual insight. I am now keenly aware of the “working out” of God regarding the stoney and stubborn places in my heart and this is when I realize that there is much more between God and me. Not only was He stripping me of fleshly desires, but He was urging me to confess and repent of ALL sin, those undetected and those blatantly carried out and as I have previously written, this is a daily prayer!
“Father, bring to my remembrance all those things I have done in the past that offended you! I want nothing between you and me.”
How faithful He is! I am mortified at the things I have done and the things, I think! How ugly and spiteful I can be! Confession rolls from my tongue as He reveals each episode of sin. I want no part of any of it, I want it out, and in its place, I want the Lord to take up His rightful spot. As I do this, the Lord’s provision pours forth. He puts before me an excerpt from A. W. Tozer from his book, “The Crucified Life:”
“As long as a vessel is filled with something, nothing else can come in. And here is where a spiritual law comes into play. As long as there is something in my life, God cannot fill it. If I empty out half of my life, God can only fill half. And my spiritual life would be diluted with the things of natural man. This seems to be the condition of many Christians today. They are willing to get rid of some things in their lives, and God comes and fills them as far as He can. But until they are willing to give up everything and put everything on the altar, as it were, God cannot fill their entire lives. One of the strange things about God is that He will come in as far as we allow Him. I have often said that a Christian is as full of the Holy Spirit as he wants to be. We can beg to be filled with the Holy Spirit. We can talk about it, but until we are willing to empty ourselves, we will never have the fullness of the Holy Spirit in our lives. God will fill as much of us as we allow Him to fill.”
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for sparing your children from a life of our own choices! Although you do give us free will, we thank you that you are there to provide each with wisdom and understanding, and a deeper knowledge of you. Thank you, that as we are faced with decisions to make, you are there to show us the way. Forgive us, Father, for choosing unwisely at times!
Thank you, for the precious blood of Jesus, for Sanctification and Salvation! Thank you, for the forgiveness of our sins and forgetting our sins because we are clothed in the righteousness of Jesus. We give you all the glory for it is YOU that brings us to the place where we are today. How wonderful that we are so changed by the power of the Holy Spirit that those past events no longer shake us, nor today’s or tomorrow’s! It is with our spiritual eyes that we can see all those things had to happen and honestly, I would not change a thing! All those mishaps, waywardness, and pain which were all meant for evil have been turned into good. I am sorry for my offenses! The enemy’s intention is to isolate your children from their Father! We are placed on this earth to share your glory, to point others towards Jesus Christ, and it is the devil’s plan to render us fruitless, to take from You the glory that only you are worthy of! YOU, however, prevail and are victorious! The Bible tells us so! You turn the bad into good!
Thank you, for choosing us! Thank you for setting your children apart for holy purposes and set apart from sin, destruction, and death. Thank you, for this deeper life with You. Father, continue to transform each one into the likeness of Jesus. Let nothing come between us, ever! Keep our hearts on fire and open to your will, plan, and purpose, and empower us to walk obediently in your ways! We are truly blessed and truly grateful! Help us become even more grateful! In the Mighty Name of Jesus, I pray, Amen!!
Yesterday’s provision comes from Isaiah 43:1-3:
“But now thus says the LORD,
He who created you. O Jacob,
He who formed you, O Israel:
Fear not, for I have redeemed you:
I have called you by name, you are
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you:
And through the rivers, they shall not
When you walk through fire you shall
not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the LORD your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”
God bless you, friends! I pray you are abundantly blessed today and always! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I love you!!