Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise Him again-
My Savior and my God!
I sent this text Saturday morning to a friend:
“Good Morning! Completely wiped out and grouchy last night. Thankfully, the Lord woke me early and I was able to spend some much needed time with Him this morning. I am feeling lit and alive. Hallelujah!”
I did not have to work Friday so I was anticipating a great quiet time with the Lord, filled with heavenly revelations that I would faithfully post on my blog. I am His hands and feet so why would He deprive me of His goodness? I started out with Charles Stanley which I determined immediately was not my message. So I tuned out but continued to listen. I opened my devotion and felt somewhat lost in it. It wasn’t speaking to me as I would have liked. I turned to another devotion in the hopes of some “material” for Our Heavenly Prize. Empty! I rationalized that I was so urgent in my need of words because I have an important job to do. The Lord has blessed me with this vessel and I need to do worthy work!
I ended up reading my fiction book most of the day. I felt unproductive and foul.
My husband walked through the door around 5 PM and by this time I was hungry and tired. Everything was becoming incredibly annoying. He did his best to get dinner on the table as quickly as he could (yes, I’m spoiled). As I waited patiently and quietly for him to finish, I took notice of The Property Brothers on the television.
The one brother engaged to be married so he and his family were building his honeymoon home. It seemed everything was in their favor. Happiness and prosperity for all! It wasn’t so much their homes and money it was more the confidence and the courage to get where they are now that provoked my frame of mind. One brother a contractor the other in real estate, both great careers and combined they have done well. I imagined they started out in their living room, maybe the television was on to some HGTV program, and their ideas of their own business started to fly through the air. What discouragement and disappointment did they face? Did they make mistakes and if so how were they rectified? Where did their strength come from? Who did they “consult” with? Nobody goes through this life without feeling opposition.
“One tortilla ready, come fix your plate!” my husband urged.
Dinner was delicious as always and thankfully I was full. Maybe a little too full! I found it difficult to get out of my funk so I ended up going straight to bed.
My eyes slowly opened to the darkness of the early morning and like gangbusters; discouragement and frustration swooped in. All that I had been so passionate about had once again turned sour just as it did the day before. As my eyes adjusted to my surroundings, I said my silent prayer of thanks and climbed out of bed and trudged to the coffee pot. Realizing what time it was, I grumbled that I should still be sleeping but since I was already up, I might as well get going. I flipped on Charles Stanley and proceeded with my morning routine. There were residents and coworkers counting on me for help and for encouragement. I certainly wasn’t in the right frame of mind for this service.
I quickly showered and dressed so that I could spend some ample time with Jesus. I needed Him. Lately, I’ve been asking Him to sit with me as I read my Bible. I need explanation and I need wisdom. I also need to put my teachings somewhere safe within me and hope that I’m able to retrieve them when His words are needed for myself and for others.
I didn’t just ask Him for my normal requests on this particular morning but I extended it into what I was REALLY feeling at that time:
“Lord I am miserable and I feel inadequate and I’m not sure why? All I want to do is feel your Presence and do Your work. I want to make a difference but I’m having a hard time. Tell me what it is that I’m supposed to be doing? What is it that I haven’t done? I ask in Jesus Name that you to tell me so that I can change my ways because I’m not seeing it. I know you aren’t a magical force that I can summon when I’m stuck. I can’t just sit down and expect your appearance and your answers. It makes me sad and empty when I don’t hear from you. Help me understand!”
In this moment of prayer I felt the Lord. I felt His Almighty Presence and I thanked Him.
“This is what I want from you, Racinda! Talk to me about anything and everything. Tell me what you are feeling without hiding. If you are angry or sad or happy or disappointed…tell me! I am your Father in Heaven and I love you. Devotions, messages, books, and songs are all good but they aren’t the same as prayer. Prayer is how we develop a deeper relationship. Intimacy between you and I. Conversation that comes from your heart not your routines! This is what I want from you!”
Immediately my burdens were lifted! Praise God!!
My devotion for the day came from Charles Stanley’s book, “Everyday in His Presence.” This paragraph spoke volumes:
“The pain you feel doesn’t have to be negative; it doesn’t have to destroy you. On the contrary, it can be a bridge to a deeper relationship with the Father if you respond in the right way. So when you sense those emotions rising up, set your mind to seek Him immediately. Get on your knees in prayer, open His Word, and ask Him what He is teaching you. You will be amazed at all He shows you and how deeply He ministers to your heart.”
And yes, I was lit and alive after my time with Him. I was reassured that all the negativity that I was believing in was a bunch of hooey! What He was trying to teach me was that He is the one to seek in all that I do. He wants us to have intimacy with Him. He wants us to cry out to Him and He wants us to celebrate our victories with Him. He wants to be a part of our lives. Yes, devotions, messages, and His Word are all extremely important. They open us up and teach us but ultimately it is Him that we need to get with. It is prayer that opens us up to what God wants to do and what He is doing in our lives.
There is nothing on this earth that compares to Jesus. That feeling of connection with Him is vital. He can take the dark and turn it into light. My day completely shifted because of Him. I went to work feeling joyful and ready to serve because of what the Lord blessed me with Saturday morning. Thank you Jesus!