IMPERFECT

2 Corinthians 1:3,4

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

I am imperfect. I hide. I present myself as being perfect. That I have all that I need. That life is good. This is not who I am and I’m afraid if you really knew, you wouldn’t be interested. It’s time to come out from under my veil and share.

Perfectionism has always been my goal. In anything that I attempt to do. I want a perfect result. This never happens, so why do I seek it continuously? Is it something that I learned as child? Is it the rewards I receive when I’ve done a job well done? Why is this so important to me?

I’ve recently been told, “I wish I were you.”

If only this person knew what it was like to be me, perhaps the statement would quickly be retracted. I present myself to the public, falsely. I do not share my struggles with anybody. I only tell the happy parts of my story. I hide and pretend that life is good when in fact sometimes it stinks! I remain anonymous in forums so that I’m not found out by my friends and family. I do not want to feel shame, regret or embarrassment over the things that have happened in the past or challenges that I am currently going through. I do not want to appear weak, vulnerable or faulty. Failure is humiliating!

I do face challenges. Some of my past is still incredibly hurtful. I can think back on different situations and feel what I felt then. I don’t feel comfortable at this point baring myself to you in this moment but I do want to share that I didn’t get where I am today all by myself. I have years of time logged into my Bible, my journals, into spiritual books, and messages. I have cried a bucket-load of tears and cried out to God many times in the hopes for an immediate solution.

Today, I’m thankful that those prayers did not come true because if they did, I wouldn’t be where I am today. It is through my difficulties that I learned to rely on God. It wasn’t easy at first but as each day came and went, I began to realize that the only good feelings that I did get were from God. I love the release I feel when I open my Bible and scripture overwhelms my heart. My hope is in God and He is always with me!

To the person that wishes to be me…I didn’t mean to present myself as if I live in a bubble of happiness and good luck. I just didn’t want you to see that I do suffer with sadness and disappointments. I only wanted you to see that I’m joyful and that life is good because God is good. I want to share my blessings and loving spirit with you and with others. I do this in the hopes that it will infect those around me, especially in times of darkness. Who wants to hear about my fears, anxieties, and faults? Well, I’m here to announce that I have all of these. I also have Jesus and He is my Helper, my Comforter in times of need and with Him I can and will achieve great victory! This is His awesome offer to all of us. If we remain connected to Him, the struggles we face today will not take us down. 

 

 

2 thoughts on “IMPERFECT

  1. Morgan December 4, 2017 / 8:55 pm

    This post reminds me of my sister…we used to have more of a mother-daughter relationship (she acted as my mother when I went away to college). As I’ve grown and changed, there is a struggle to connect with her. I’d like to just have a real conversation with her as friends—sharing in life’s struggles and joys together. Instead, I feel disempowered or “checked off the list” when we talk…now that I’ve grown, I don’t need her to “fix” my challenges—just to share in life. But she’s not willing to open up and share her vulnerabilities, as the older, wiser sister would never admit to having any struggles to share…it’s sad that we often can’t truly connect for fear of shame or retaliation. I wonder if the dynamic in the relationship has shifted for either of you, or has it always been this way?

    Like

    • connectorforhim December 6, 2017 / 4:07 pm

      I will pray for a deeper connection with your sister…that the two of you can sit down and have an honest conversation with one another. Continue to share what God is doing in your life. Plant those seeds of hope and love in her heart and let the Holy Spirit do the rest. As you stated, “I’ve grown and changed,” and this is good. Give God the glory and don’t allow Satan to come in and steal what the Lord has done! Big blessings to the both of you!

      Like

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