Our Heavenly Prize

But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative–that is, the Holy Spirit–he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you.

John 14:26 (NLT)

I like this interpretation from John 3:6 (NLT):

Who is the Holy Spirit? God is three persons in one–the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. God became a man in Jesus so that Jesus could die for our sins. Jesus rose from the dead to offer salvation to all people through spiritual renewal and rebirth. When Jesus ascended into heaven, his physical presence left the earth, but he promised to send the Holy Spirit so that his spiritual presence would still be among humankind (see Luke 24:49). The Holy Spirit first became available to all believers at Pentecost (Acts 2). Whereas in Old Testament days the Holy Spirit empowered specific individuals for specific purposes, now all believers have the power of the Holy Spirit available to them.

I started a twenty-one day fast on February 1, 2018. The following is an entry from my journal on that day:

Purpose:

Effective in prayer
Deeper Relationship with Jesus
Hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit when praying for others
Kingdom Prayers; not a two-year old’s prayer
To develop my hearing of the Holy Spirit
To grow spiritually for His glory, Kingdom and people

Fasting:

Sweets: cookies, candy, chocolate, cakes, ice cream
Snacks: chips, crackers, graham crackers, goldfish

I need the Holy Spirit (actually, we all need the Holy Spirit) to walk and speak to me daily as I head towards the finish line. I ask for words of reassurance and encouragement–resources around me in people, in reading material, in messages. I know I’m not left to this fast on my own, in my own strength. I know that as each day passes, I will have learned something new. I will have heard something new. I will feel and see my progress. This is not a cold, dark walk and I am not alone. My path will be Lit and I will have company. Jesus will be walking with me as well as His armies of angels. They will shield, protect, encourage, guide and talk to me and I will hear. My desire each day is to recognize His heavenly presence and voice. I will not be left at the end of the day disappointed. I believe there will be many revelations throughout the course of this fast.

It is not about following rules. It’s about putting God first. Don’t get wrapped up in rules such as what you can and cannot eat. This takes away from God. This is a distraction. Your rules are no sweets and no junk-food. That’s it! No need to dwell any further on this. Your priority each day is to put God first. Connect with God as you already do and continue to learn from Him. He will lay each day out for you. God is the planner. He determines your steps and will feed you as you’re ready. He will determine when. It doesn’t have to be complicated or overwhelming. It’s time with God. There is nothing complicated about this!

Remember why you are doing this. Keep God up front and get in His bubble. It’s not about God calling you to fast. It’s about you wanting to fast to draw closer to Him.

Interpretation of 1 Thessalonians 4:3:

It is God’s will for you to be holy, but how can you go about doing that? The Bible teaches that holiness is not a state of being that you must manufacture on your own with hard work and good deeds and constant fear of failure. Instead, being made holy occurs in the process of living the Christian life. If you have accepted Christ’s sacrifice on your behalf, then you are considered holy and complete in God’s eyes. Yet you must continue to learn and grow during your time on earth. The Holy Spirit works in you, conforming you to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29).

On the very first day of my fast, I sat down at the kitchen counter to eat breakfast. I glanced up to look out the window and noticed the tall trees in the distance. There was one tree greener and taller than the others. The Lord whispered:

This is who you are in Me. You are set apart for your own special purpose.

I felt thankful, supported and loved.

Reflecting back to February 1st is a wonderful reminder of where I started! I have four more days to go and then my twenty-one days are complete!

In my last post, Overcome Tribulations, I was feeling great opposition and the potential for misguidance was within my reach. This is just a reminder of what I wrote:

I feel like I’ve missed out on a job opportunity:
You love your residents, coworkers, and the building. The community is small and everyone knows each other. It’s comfortable. Your schedule is flexible (thanks to your supervisor) so you can focus on God, serving, and your writing. Your fulfillment in your current job comes from the residents. They make you feel good. You are valued and they depend on you to care, encourage and love them.

I thought I had, in the power of the Holy Spirit, obliterated that opposition! I emailed the job recruiter and told him this on February 13, 2018:

Hello…I thank you for the invite to your open interview! I am sorry, but I’m too attached to my current residents and leaving them makes me quite sad. I will not be pursuing a job change at this time. Please keep my resume on file!
Thank you!

I felt peace and I moved on. It wasn’t until the following day, Valentine’s Day, that the recruiter called me on my job. He told me that it wouldn’t hurt to come speak to him. He asked if I was aware of their employee opportunities? I was suddenly quite interested and said that I would love to come chat with him, what’s a good time? We set up an interview for February 15, 2018, after I finished work. I felt excited and I looked forward to the next day!

Just because we defeat the Devil (and remember, we don’t do this in our own strength) doesn’t mean he won’t try it again. He knows our weaknesses and he will use those as his weapons, over and over again! We need to recognize his attacks and call on the Holy Spirit to help us fight!

I want to take a few minutes and show you just how faithful, loud and strong the Holy Spirit has become in my life since I began my fast. This revelation is just one of the many!

I went to work on February 15th and had a great day. It, however, was not a normal day. Everything was amplified! The work that I did, the interactions with my coworkers and the care I gave to my residents. I loved my job more than I ever have in the past, on this particular day. I captured every action, thought and conversation that took place during my eight hour shift. I did not do this alone! The Holy Spirit spoke and He turned up the volume of my surroundings so that I could clearly see what it was that I would be missing if I left. There was no chance of opposition because all I could hear was Him.

Ephesians 1:13,14 (NLT) says this about the Holy Spirit:

The Holy Spirit is God’s guarantee that we belong to him and that he will do what he has promised. The Holy Spirit is like a down payment, a deposit, a validating signature on the contract. The presence of the Holy Spirit in us demonstrates the genuineness of our faith, proves that we are God’s children, and secures eternal life for us. His power works in us to transform us now, and what we experience now is a taste of the total change we will experience in eternity.

My shift ended and I quickly left the building. It wasn’t until I was halfway to the interview that I realized I forgot to clock out. I called my job, explained that I couldn’t come back and that I would take care of it on Monday. I arrived a few minutes early so I checked my messages, said a prayer, and waited.

I took notice of this new building. It was a big place and it would house all levels of senior care except independent living. The construction was still in progress in some areas. I stepped from my car and cautiously walked towards the fancy, sliding glass doors. The minute I stepped inside, I knew I was not supposed to be there. It felt wrong but I proceeded to the front desk anyway. There was a woman sitting there was a posed smile on her face.

How can I help you?

I told her my name and my interview time and she bent over and picked up an unscathed clipboard and pen, reached for a pile of papers and handed it all to me.

Please fill out this information and return it when you are finished. Here is a name tag, print your name and then apply it to your shirt. You can use the sitting room to the left.

The room was delicately decorated and the couch was puffy and uncomfortable. I took one look at the paperwork and realized it was an application. I had already filled one out online. I became frustrated and as I sat there I heard this:

What are you doing here?
You aren’t supposed to be here?
The place may be new but the grass is never greener on the other side!
Do you really want to learn new faces and new routines?
Didn’t we discuss this job opportunity the other day?
What did you learn from that day?

The interpretation from Psalm 23:2,3 (NLT) came to mind:

When we allow God, our shepherd, to guide us, we have contentment. When we choose to sin and go our own way, however, we cannot blame God for the environment we create for ourselves. Our shepherd knows the “green meadows” and “peaceful streams” that will restore us. We will reach these places only by following him obediently. Rebelling against the shepherd’s leading is actually rebelling against our own best interests. We must remember this the next time we are tempted to go our own way rather than the shepherd’s way.

With that, I got up and headed back to the receptionist:

I’m sorry, I filled this application out online. Do I need to complete another one?

Her response:

Yes!

I headed back to the couch, grabbed the paperwork and flicked through it. What else do they need to know about me? Then I saw the questionnaire!

Nope, cannot do this!

I quietly and calmly folded the paperwork in half, clutched the pen and clipboard in my fist and  made my way back to the joyous woman at the front desk.

I’m sorry, I cannot finish this application. The recruiter called me to chat about the opportunities here. I didn’t intend on filling out paperwork at this time. I’m fine where I am. I love my job and my residents. Pursuing a new career is not in the plan at this moment. Thank you for your kindness and have a great day.

I turned and left feeling peaceful and free!

Interpretation of Romans 8:9 (NLT) explains Life in the Spirit this way:

Since you now believe that Jesus Christ is God’s Son and that eternal life comes through him (1 John 5:5), you will begin to act as Christ directs (Romans 8:5; Galatians 5:22,23); you will find help in your daily problems and in your praying (Romans 8:26,27); you will be empowered to serve God and do his will (Acts 1:8; Romans 12:6); and you will become part of God’s plan to build up his church (Ephesians 4:12,13).

I am absolutely amazed at how loud and clear the Holy Spirit was. The longer I sat on that couch, the louder He became. Honestly, I have never felt that sort of strength from Him, ever! It was wonderful!!

I find relief in Proverbs 19:21 (NLT)

You can make many plans but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

II Corinthians 1:3,4 (NKJV)

I am feeling troubled, heavy and sad this morning. My motivation and joy for a new day has been decimated and I have no idea why. The outlook is bleak, without a hope or any encouragement. I sat up in bed and tried to figure out why I was feeling glum and attributed it to my hormones and to deprivation of foods that I enjoy (to be explained in another post).

In the very back of my mind I was also feeling missed opportunities with a possible new job, prayer with a friend, and rejection (no relation to one another).

My husband did his best to shake me out of my melancholy mood. He even took some extra time this morning to talk and hold me. I know he meant well and I do appreciate his efforts. He left for work but shortly after he sent a text that he was on his way back. When he walked through the door, he had flowers in hand and a smile upon his face! His mornings are stressful and hectic. He is a man of many work responsibilities but yet he took time out from his busy morning to stop at the store, purchase flowers and bring them back to me. Not a lick of stress or frustration on his face. He is a good man and a terrific father and he has always provided for his family! I am blessed! Not only by him but by his entire family. I failed to recognize this, in this moment, because I’m completely consumed by my own funk of emotions.

I know that my Source, Strength and Comfort all come from God. No amount of french toast or chocolate will give me what my Lord and Savior gives me every second of the day, if I would only give Him the chance. I would normally grow so weak and vulnerable that I would turn to those lovely foods but I’ve since learned that they only provide instant gratification and what comes after is complete torture, mentally.

Taken from my journal entry this morning:

I use food to boost my mood. I’m forced (by my own will) to rely on You and that’s good. I do not want to put You second because You are not! I pray to You and ask You to take control of my sad feelings, what I am currently interpreting as missed opportunities and food deprivation (currently fasting). I don’t want them. I want You and all that You have for me. Sometimes I just need a little extra reassurance as you faithfully provided last week. 

I feel that this time with you (this morning) is a teaching moment! You are showing me how to rely on You instead of outside things such as jobs, education, food and other people? If I don’t learn to rely on you in times of sadness then I will end up back in destructive behavior patterns. You comfort me and I comfort them, all in the Name of Jesus! 

I grabbed the New King James Version of  “God’s Promises For Your Every Need” and looked up “comfort.” I was pointed to the above Scripture. I felt a tiny bit of peace but was desperate for more. I took some time to meditate and listen to God in regards to His Scripture. I read the interpretations from both the New Living Testament and the English Standard Version. I was bound and determined to learn from God how I can rely on Him in times of discomfort and struggle. I have a tendency to feel low from time to time and I’m sick of turning to things that have no power! I was going to learn and I was going to act. I want to feel comforted by Him and I want to comfort others through Him.

I found a message by Dr. Charles Stanley called, “Down But Not Out.” It was televised by InTouch Ministries on the 20th of October, 2017. Dr. Stanley was telling of how Paul got back up when he was stoned to death. You can find this in Acts 7:57,58. Basically, he was able to get back up because he reflected on his Salvation, Conviction and Confidence (excellent message and I recommend you watch it in its entirety).

Dr. Stanley suggests that we meditate on why we are feeling down and then remind ourselves that we don’t have to stay there!

I applied this wisdom to my current situation and this is what I came up with and this is how I got back up.

First and foremost, I did turn to God. I grabbed His resources, prayed and then read. He took over from there. He brought me to His Scripture on comfort, He spoke to me and helped me understand what it was that I was reading. He pointed me to Charles Stanley’s message. Through all of this, He was faithfully with me. I could feel His presence and I could feel His comfort. I could hear His words.

I took a moment to be silent before Him so that I could decipher just what it was that I was feeling and why.

Journal Entry:

I want something good to eat:
This will not last if you do have something good to eat (junky foods). It is instant gratification! It doesn’t sustain you and you will feel terrible afterwards, all over!! The Lord is lasting!! Feed on His Word. He will fill you with all good things. Tell Him your desire to eat and why. Ask Him to remove it and replace it with Him. Don’t eat for comfort. There is no solution in this!!

I feel rejection:
You are putting self-worth in others. It doesn’t matter what they think. What matters is your relationship to God. How can you serve God and people today? How can you make a difference in God’s Kingdom? What He presents to you is a gift. You are to share what He is doing in your life. You will probably never know who feels His impact. It is not what you do or say or write that delivers the impact! It is what the Holy Spirit says and does to the person on the other side.

I feel like I’ve missed out on a job opportunity:
You love your residents, coworkers, and the building. The community is small and everyone knows each other. It’s comfortable. Your schedule is flexible (thanks to your supervisor) so you can focus on God, serving, and your writing. Your fulfillment in your current job comes from the residents. They make you feel good. You are valued and they depend on you to care, encourage and love them.

Proverbs 8:32-36

And so, my children, listen to me,
for all who follow my ways are joyful.
Listen to my instruction and be wise.
Don’t ignore it.
Joyful are those who listen to me,
watching for me daily at my gates,
waiting for me outside my home!
For whoever finds me finds life
and receives favor from the Lord.
But those who miss me injure themselves.
All who hate me love death.

I am confident that God is with me–teaching, loving, saving, and guiding. He has a plan and purpose for me and I want to get up and carry on. I want to be a godly example. A child of God is allowed to feel down. It is normal and natural but we need to get back up by turning to Him and relying on Him. Remember who He is, what He has done and what He will do.

Lord–I thank You for Your time this morning! I need You daily! In times of sadness and in times of joy. You are my Strength and my Source and I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for You. I live joyfully today because of You. You have comforted me this morning just as your word says.  You truly are Amazing.

Lord–I ask that you touch the ones that are in need of comfort today. I ask that you wrap your mighty arms around them and overwhelm them with your Presence as you did for me today. There is nothing on this earth that compares to you.  I praise you, I worship you, I love you and I thank you!

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

 

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ.

Ephesians 1:3

January 28, a Sunday evening, I’m sitting in my office reading my Prayer 101 book. I am  meditating on who God is, do I believe in Him and do I believe Him and all that He says in His Word, when I get a text from a Connection that I made several weeks ago through volunteering with the Elevation Online Welcome Team. He is in desperate need of prayer because there has been a horrific accident in his family. Attached to his text was a news article of what took place in the backyard. I’m horrified and saddened by this information. I immediately respond to him:

Oh my goodness!! I am so sorry! I will get this out to my Team so that we can stand together with you in prayer. May God be with you and your family.

Feeling strength from Matthew 18:19:

I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in Heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.

I contact my fellow Elevation volunteers and we begin to pray!

I met this Connection, via text, on the 7th of January. I spoke with him on the 11th of January and we had a pleasant conversation. I instantly felt his gentle, kind spirit on the other side. He spoke of his love of God, his mentor, and his calling to the ministry. I remember how struck I was with him–so young and strong in faith. The Lord surely must have big plans for him.

I prayed for him during my times of quiet, along with my other Connections. On January 21st, I received another fourteen people to call and congratulate on their decision to accept Jesus as their personal Savior! With each new phone call, I could feel the Holy Spirit’s strength building within me. I was actually looking forward to conversation and prayer with new believers. The fear and apprehension seemed to be fading and for this I was thankful!

After receiving my Connection’s text, in regards to his family’s tragic accident, I became completely invested in him and his current situation. Later that day (January 28th) I received an update. The man that he looked up to and loved was now in a coma.

I responded to his feelings of loss and confusion. He wasn’t sure if he would be heard when visiting. I am most certain that he will be heard and I told him this via text:

I believe he can still hear you even if he is in a coma. I believe it is best for him to be in this state. The Lord says “REST” and while your loved one is resting, God is working. Hold his hand and speak God’s Word and if you can’t find the words, read them!! We will be praying!!

Psalm 4:8:

In peace I will lie down and sleep.
For you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe

I spoke to this young man the following day and he was hopeful and excited. There was a promising response from his family member when he entered the room.  

I received a photo following our conversation of the man that I and others were praying for:

I love this photo!! Thank you for sending. I see lots of love, kindness, joy and gentleness in his face!! He is indeed a special man!! May God continue to bless him and heal him!! Thank you for sharing what’s been happening. I feel absolutely privileged and honored to be included in this battle with you and your family. Many prayers!!

And I mean this! I have been invited to text, talk, and pray with another human being that is in the depths of despair. I am trusted with his story, his love of God, and his tears of pain. I believe there is no greater “love” than this. Love of people, understanding what each individual is going through and lifting them as they tackle their daily challenges. Celebrating with them when life is good. It is not easy to live on this earth but it is certainly a bit more tolerable when surrounded by godly support, encouragement and prayers! I am incredibly thankful that I can be of service. It is absolutely amazing to watch and be a part of what God is doing in the lives of His people!

On the morning of January 30th, I woke to a message that things were fatal.

I reassured this kind and worried soul that I was home and that if he needed to talk or pray to please give me a call and he did! I have to say, in all honesty, I’d rather text. I secretly hoped that I could continue praying on my own because I was fearful of prayer with others. I did not want to fail this person!! I did not want him to call. Not because I didn’t care but because I did not want to make a mess!!

At the time of his phone call, I was actually feeling a little aimless. I had three days off from work and I was listening to Focus on the Family on His Radio. When my phone chimed, I glanced down at the number and didn’t recognize it right away. It wasn’t until I looked at where it was coming from, that I knew. I jumped up and answered. He was difficult to understand due to his distraught state. Honestly, I caught bits and pieces and was able to gather that his loved one was not doing well. His vitals had dropped to dangerous numbers and they weren’t sure that he would pull through.

I so desperately wanted to reach through that phone and hug him. I grasped at the right words to say because I wanted to end his sorrow and sadness. I felt completely useless and it was in my highest moment of desperation that I heard the Holy Spirit speak within me. I even craned my head a little to the left for better auditory direction:

Racinda, close your mouth and listen to him. Let him speak!

So, I closed my mouth and did my best to listen to the voice on the other end of the phone and then–clear as a bell I heard:

I need prayer!!

If you have been following my blog, you already know that I’m challenged vocally, especially when it comes to praying for others, which is why I’ve enrolled in this Prayer 101 class through a local church.

My heartbeat was in my throat and I truly felt like I could throw up. This lovely, upset human being was calling on me to pray for him and I wanted him to feel the comfort and absorb the love of Jesus. Could I do it? There was no time to think things through. I launched into prayer without consulting the Holy Spirit first—Heavenly Father, thank you for this opportunity to pray–and then my words were gone. Weakly, without no other hope, I silently and out loud called on the Holy Spirit:

Move me out of the way and give me words of strength and comfort so that when I speak, this young person who is so incredibly upset over the possible loss of his family member can feel that you are indeed with him and his family. I want to overwhelm him with You! Your love, peace, comfort, guidance, presence…help me!

Romans 8:26,27

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will.

I prayed and I can’t even remember what I said. I heard a thank you, I have to go and then we hung up.

I did not feel remorse or regret over what I said because I know that the words that came out of my mouth were not my own. I know that whatever was said was said to perfection because it was not me speaking. I do believe, in that moment, that Jesus took over and that He gave peace and strength to my friend. The call ended in a renewed Energy and for this I am grateful.

It isn’t just me in prayer! There are so many others pleading and begging God to change the course of this accident. Prayers for freedom, mercy, grace and instant healing! In a follow up conversation later in the day, great relief was expressed because now, my brother in Christ, realizes that he has a local church family. The support and love has been amazing!

I woke the following morning to a text that the battle was over. Jesus has reached down from the heavens and pulled this lovely, gentle man upwards. There isn’t a hope here. There is great peace in this decision.

I responded in an email with the above photo attached:

I am thinking and praying for you and your family! I pray God blesses and keeps you and your family peaceful throughout this time of sadness!

I love your strong, sweet spirit. I just know God has good things in store for you! When you are standing before the masses speaking His Mighty Word, please don’t forget to invite me!! My brother in law took this photo and sent it to me last night. I was in awe of the beauty. It spoke volumes and I know it will do the same for you!

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ.
Esphesians 1:3

In His Love,
Racinda

***

This post is in loving memory of this family! I pray that as you read this that you truly feel the love of God. He is at work in each of our lives. Sometimes we see and sometimes we don’t. It is for our own good. This is the beauty of Jesus–He knows the beginning, the middle and the end! And we all have them! God Bless!!

I tell you the truth, anyone, who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

John 14:12-14 (NLT)

On November 1, 2017, I emailed my Focus on the Family Mentor Coach and asked this question:

I volunteer on the Online Care Team for Elevation Church and we get many prayer requests and for some reason, I have the hardest time answering them. It’s like I’ve got a block. Is there such thing as a prayer class or a study? I feel so helpless in this volunteer position– ineffective for God. I sat at the computer this afternoon and my responses all sounded like I was 2!! I felt like crying!! Any ideas would be most helpful.

Her response:

What a great opportunity with Elevation Church. I can’t think of any specific prayer classes or studies at the moment. I guess just remember to empathize and pray, but not take it on personally. Is there any support through the leadership of the volunteer team? Maybe they’ve encountered this before. I believe you’ve got it in you!!!

On January 8th, 2018 I sent a text message to a friend:

Was just looking at the Care Classes at Seacoast. Just wondering if you’ve taken Prayer 101?

Her response to me:

I will have to check it out online tonight. Would love to meet up with you for that!

On January 25th, 2018 we had our first class!

There are about twenty-three of us (all ages) in the class. My friend and I sat in the back row, in the corner. We are both quiet, shy people. Our leader is a mature gentleman, soft spoken, but extremely prepared, comfortable in his conversation, and kind. As he was going through our first lesson, he questioned us periodically:

Do you have confidence in what God says?
Do you have confidence in what He did?
Do you believe God or do you just believe in Him?
Do you believe you will do greater things than Jesus?

I felt doubt!

I have little faith when it comes to asking for things in prayer. I will put a request before God but I’m not one hundred percent sure it will happen. I mostly pray for a deeper relationship with Him and for blessings on all my friends and family. I listen to the prayer requests of others and I do pray for them, but I leave the answers up to God, not really sure what happens to them. I have a hard time believing that I could actually put my hand on somebody, look them in the face, pray for their requests and get the result. When I read passages in the Bible of Jesus raising the dead, healing the sick and the blind and performing all sorts of other miracles, I don’t understand and I begin to doubt. I want to believe and be effective in my faith but how can I do this if I don’t believe? I often turn to another page in the Bible that I can actually apply to my life. I avoid the mighty works of Jesus because the concepts are too huge for me to grasp.

The interpretation of John 6:28,29 (NLT) says this:

We must believe on Him whom God has sent. Satisfying God does not come from the work we do, but from whom we believe. The first step involves accepting that Jesus is who He claims to be. All spiritual development is built on this affirmation. Declare to Jesus, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God” and embark on a life of belief that is satisfying to your Creator.

I left the class feeling frustrated and unworthy! I am not looking forward to next Thursday’s class, only because of the practical exercises at the end of the lesson. I don’t do well in group activities especially if I’m unfamiliar with the people. Thankfully, the first class I was able to be in a prayer group with my friend which made the exercise easier to tolerate. In all honesty, I do not feel that I have the courage to return at all.

January 28, 2018

Today is my day off from work. I woke feeling odd, out of sorts and with scripture from 1 John 14:20 (This scripture does not exist but keep reading). The dog wanted out and I had no strength to get out of my bed at 6:30 AM to feed and walk him. I’m tired, without energy and need rest. I managed to pull myself out of bed, brush my teeth, dress, and get him outside. I came in and ate my breakfast and made a cup of coffee. I grabbed my Kindle to read my favorite author and reclined in my husband’s big brown chair.

I was comfy and intently reading when the scripture I woke with nudged me:

Look it up!

I was too lazy to grab my Bible so I pulled it up on Bible Gateway. I typed in 1 John 14:20 (again, this verse doesn’t exist) and the scripture that came up was the same scripture I doubted in my Prayer 101 class. I got up from my spot and sat down at my desk. I felt the Lord was trying to tell me something. I asked for His help:

Lord….I have little energy, faith, motivation, strength, hope, desire, joy, expectations, direction, thoughts, and health. I ask for all of this to be multiplied and abundant so that I can bring glory to your Name and I ask this in your Name, Jesus Christ, Amen!

I put on Charles Stanley and he spoke of “Life’s Most Important Activity,” which is personal and private meditation with God to include thinking, focusing, absorbing, concentrating and listening. Lately, my meditation has declined! As I continued to listen to the wise words of Dr. Stanley, my desire to read God’s word slowly returned.

It was after I listened to Charles Stanley that I realized that there is not a 1 John 14:20 in the Bible. Bible Gateway pointed me instead to John 14:12-14 which again, is the verse that I doubt. Now, I’m most certain that Jesus did not give me the wrong scripture in my dream. It is my mistake but in His faithfulness He still brought up the scripture in question!

January 30th, 2018:

Reflecting back on what I’ve written thus far in this post:

Yes, I did come away from the prayer class feeling frustrated and unworthy and I’m beginning to understand that the only reason for these feelings is because I was looking at the class through my own human understanding. I didn’t realize at the time that this class is just the foundation to prayer. This isn’t a class to give me instant prayer effectiveness. That comes from God. It takes time to learn this and the only way to gain this time is to meet with God each day and ask Him to help me understand and to teach me to become effective. I want to hear Him speak as I’m praying. I want to make a difference with prayer. I want results but this doesn’t just happen as if I’m waving a magic wand over someone. I am a vessel for the Holy Spirit.  

I don’t want to go back to prayer class because I am fearful of the practical exercises at the end of the lecture. I don’t want to get in groups of three and pray because I’m fearful of praying out loud with and for others. I am afraid that I will not say the right words or I won’t sound as “holy” as I should. Again, I’m looking at this opportunity through my own eyes. I need to view this through God’s perspective because isn’t this the reason I’m attending in the first place? To make a difference for God and people!

In my Prayer 101 book it states that we hear God in the quiet so I covered my eyes and shut my mouth and stilled my thoughts and this is what the Holy Spirit put before me:

What is my greatest challenge?
My voice.

How can I move forward into God’s purpose for me?
Trust God is with me–focus on God and not on naysayers and know and believe that I’m fighting for Him.

Satan is challenging God by using fear, food, lack of confidence, social anxiety, intelligence to win! I am a “pawn” in this spiritual battle. He is trying to prevent me from fulfilling my God-given purpose.

How do you fight back?
In the Name of Jesus and in the honor and the glory of Jesus.

Satan wants us doubtful and fearful because this stops our progress. This takes God’s glory.

How does this make you feel?
It makes me want to try harder. It makes me want to learn more. It makes me turn in faith to God for help. I want to be equipped so that I can win and fulfill his purposes for me.

How can you approach this prayer class on Thursday?
Look at it from God’s perspective and not through fear. Look at the purpose on the other side. Look at spiritual growth and strength. Bigger faith-deeper relationship-intimate love.

I want what’s on the other side of this class because I believe it will add to my spiritual growth. I also believe I will be effective for God and people. I believe He is giving me a voice for his glory and purposes and if I don’t take advantage of this class and the leader’s wisdom and experience, I’m losing out.

And in regards to those questions:

Do you have confidence in what God says?
Do you have confidence in what He did?
Do you believe God or do you just believe in Him?
Do you believe you will do greater things than Jesus?

I choose to believe in Him and I choose to believe Him! I can choose this because that is what’s written in the Bible. The Bible is God’s Word! It’s not for me to understand or to figure out. Some of the things that God does are not meant to be figured out. It just is! The Bible is not a lie. Choose to believe. Isn’t it easier to believe? Isn’t belief a lot more beautiful and peaceful. I choose to believe and that is that!

John 8:32 (NLT)

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

Colossians 3:1-4 (NLT)

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of Heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of Heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.

Interpretation 3:1-2 (NLT)

Setting our sights on the realities of Heaven means striving to put Heaven’s priorities into daily practice. Letting Heaven fill our thoughts means concentrating on the eternal rather than temporal.

I look forward to Day 2 of Prayer 101!

Blessings to all!!

For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19

It’s a beautiful day in Charleston, SC. The sun is shining. People are out walking their dogs, jogging, pushing their strollers or riding their bikes. I gaze longingly out the window.

I did try to make it work today. I managed to get up, shower, pray, fix a quick lunch and get to my job on time, only to be sent home.

I am home for the eighth day with the flu. As each day has gone by, my symptoms have increased. I can barely get myself out of bed. I’m in one bedroom while my husband is hacking in the other. Yes, I’ve managed to pass it along to him.

My energy level is non-existent which is something that I’m not familiar with. I wake in the morning usually feeling rejuvenated and ready to tackle the day. This has not been the case since this awful illness has hit me. Gone are the days of waking early to pray and worship. I’m lucky if I can manage a devotion or a page in the Bible. What I do read, I barely understand. I am having a difficult time comprehending and applying it to my daily life. This is maddening and deflating.

I am weak mentally, physically and now spiritually. I am no longer able to fight off the stinging words of Satan. He’s at me again in regards to my witness for God, my written words, my thoughts, my leadership in my Bible Study and in my volunteering. I have no guidance for anybody including myself. He’s attacking my gifts to serve and he’s out to paralyze my steps towards God.

In a moment of panic, I almost said, to heck with it all. Let me just go back to where I was! Life was quiet, comfortable, and simple. I don’t want this “new life” if I’m made to feel like the devil’s punching bag. I can’t take it!

Deuteronomy 31:6

So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.

Day nine of the flu and reflecting:

And go ahead of me, He certainly did.

He warned me by using a message by Charles Stanley–sometimes the Lord has to stop me in my tracks by laying me out, just so I will listen. Dr. Stanley went on to talk about his service for God and how he can get so busy with serving that he forgets about spending one on one time with God. I am not comparing myself to Dr. Stanley and all his responsibilities but I am comparing myself to another human being. When it comes to spending time with Jesus, we are all equal. We all need this precious time with Him. It doesn’t matter what we do in life. He is our Strength and our Supply and without it, we get nowhere!

I continued on with my responsibilities of serving but as I did, I felt something was missing. My energy and health were declining as the hours ticked by. There was that opposition that I spoke of in my post, “Transformation.” It ate at me and caused great disappointment and sadness. The Bible Study that I co-lead was unfulfilling and I came away feeling negative in my abilities as a leader. It was a struggle to come up with enlightening posts for Focus on the Family. I felt numb inside. Where did that courage and boldness go? Forget about a post for my blog. All I was filled with were complaints, unease, and loss. Who wants to read about that? Certainly not me!

In this downtrodden state, my prayer for others became limited and in my opinion, ineffective.

I’m wandering around in my closet and who knows why, but I hear the word:

Rest!

Immediately, (in my mind) I’m taken to the message by Creflo Dollar in regards to “Spiritual Warfare.” I wrote of this in my post, “The Adversary.” That when we rest, the Lord works. It was when the Lord told me this, that I felt the heavenly nod that it was okay to climb back in bed and close my eyes. I felt permission to give all my angst to Him and sleep and so I did.

Unfortunately, this is the opportune time for Satan to come in and cause disconnections and turmoil. Here starts the battle of good and evil and it has been nonstop until this morning!

I started my day with the ever-faithful Dr. Charles Stanley and in listening to his message I felt a glimmer of hope. That familiar feeling of warmth and love began to make its way back to my heart (not that God ever left it). There was light and it felt good, so good that tears of thankfulness fell from my eyes and I said out loud:

This is what life is all about! God’s love!! Spending time with Jesus is peaceful and rewarding. There is no room for negativity and ulterior motives. This time is safe and trustworthy. I can just be and know that God’s love for me is good and perfect. Why would I not look in His direction–daily and throughout the day? This is an escape from world views and struggles and it doesn’t have to be in quiet times only. I can run to Him in joy and in pain.

GET IN HIS BUBBLE!

Like Charles Stanley, I was focused on my service. I was so busy doing that I forgot who was in Charge and as one of my private duty clients always told me:

“Who do you think you are? Charles in Charge?”

She had advanced Alzheimer’s but she was wise and she knew!! I wasn’t pleased with my control either. I didn’t feel that the courage and confidence that I was exuding was coming from my Source. It was full-speed ahead which was why I was feeling empty and opposed.

My priorities were all in the wrong order!

Jesus spoke to my heart gently with warmth and love.

Don’t get wrapped up in your service and forget about Me. I come first. I am the One that gives you what you need. Relationship with Me is where you are filled.

I was so focused on my performance that I forgot to tap into my Source. I don’t believe I did it on purpose. I truly believe that I just wanted to do well. A veil slipped over my eyes and I couldn’t see what it was that I was truly doing. Thankfully, the Lord saw and He warned and He saved.

Matthew 7:24,25 (NLT) says this:

Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.

If something brings me down–where does my joy come from? What turns my mood, immediately?

It is found in Him! I find great joy sitting peacefully praying, listening to sermons, and reading His Word. He is my escape, my Comforter and my Help.

Nearing the end of my quiet time with Jesus, I hear these words and feel peace and love all over me:

Enthusiastic
Over-Achiever
Big difference
Impactful
Effective
Courageous
Gentle and sweet in spirit
Listener
Obedient
Servant
Helper
Share
Good News
Learner
Child of God

Thank you Jesus for taking control even when I was fighting You for it! You are so faithful and so filled with love for all of us! Not one is forgotten nor left! Lord I ask in your precious Name that I remember all Your wisdom, not just for myself, but for others. That I’m able to deliver it as you do…with gentleness, love and warmth. I love You, praise You and give You all the glory…Amen!

 

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of the world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Romans 12:2 (NLT)

I went to my doctor yesterday per my supervisor’s request. I have been diagnosed with Influenza B and I’m unable to return to work until Monday. My body aches all over. I can barely turn my head without feeling somewhat dizzy. My teeth chatter through my intermittent chills. In order to get some sort of relief, I keep Theraflu in one hand and a hot water bottle clutched in the other. For added warmth, I wrap tightly in a recently bought soft purple blanket (nicknamed “The Regal Robe”). I am truly in a frozen state. I’m miserable!

I believe this can be a teaching moment for Jesus. That no matter my condition, I can still praise, worship, learn and love Almighty God. Honestly, all I want to do is get in the bed and sleep. I absolutely refuse to do this because I know that this can be a time of great growth.

I managed to sit at my desk for a quiet time, yesterday morning. I had a Bible Study to prepare for and this weeks information needed to be sent out. I told my Christian sisters of my illness but reassured them that I would be there, even if I’m in pajamas and sipping on hot tea. I look forward to our meetings because, again, there is a tremendous amount of growth to be had. The wisdom, support and encouragement that we give one another each week is priceless! I trust the Holy Spirit will give me the energy to get there and I trust that the Lord will bless us abundantly as we gather.

Bible Study curriculum sent out, I survey my desk. I’ve got Bibles, devotionals, notebooks, a dictionary and a mountain of pens and highlighters strewn about. I read my first devotional which is always Charles Stanley’s, “Everyday in His Presence.”

The scripture for his devotion was from Isaiah 55:9 (NLT)

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways.”

Dr. Stanley goes on to say:

“Be prepared–at times, the Lord’s instructions may not make sense to you. In fact, it’s a principal you must embrace if you wish to know the Father: God doesn’t require you to understand His will, just obey it, even if it seems unreasonable.”

I read it, acknowledging truth in the scripture and felt great relief that His ways are, indeed, higher than my own. I moved on to a second devotional by Sarah Young, “Jesus Always.”

I cracked it open, looked at the first word and paused because I felt the Lord was trying to instruct me and I didn’t want distraction! I clearly heard Him (not out loud but within) say:

“That devotional is to read at night. Take that to your bedroom now or you will forget. (He’s right on target with that). Fill your mind with Good News before going to sleep.”

So I did. I got up from my desk with my devotional in hand, grabbed my spare Bible and set them on my nightstand, in clear view and within reach of my bed. I thought to myself that reading scripture before closing my eyes would be a welcomed change.

Let me just share with you what my nightly reading routines have been in the past. 

I was an avid reader of “The Daily Mail” before going to sleep. I would read all kinds of garbage on there, mostly stories on celebrities and violence. I developed self-hatred  from this type of material. The stories on shooting sprees, kidnappings, robberies and other forms of injustice just scared the life out of me. I was most certain that my daughter or even myself would be the next victim. I would go to bed feeling so mixed up and ultimately the following day, I’d be out of sorts–into the shower, out the door and to my job feeling irritated and on-guard.

It came to the point where the Lord said:

“Enough is enough! Get off that Daily Mail!”

I did and then I’d get back on. Delete the app and then reinstall. It took a bit of time to get me away from it, but the Lord never gave up. No more Daily Mail. I put Facebook in its place. This pretty much did the same thing to me mentally. This classmate was doing this! What am I doing? I need to do this so I can be doing the same thing. It was just a bunch of noise and I had no sense of peace at all.

The Lord told me to get off Facebook. Same pattern– uninstall and install. I finally deactivated my account (for good) and I have no desire to activate. My focus is better without it.

When I joined Weight Watchers, I became part of the “Connect” family which is kind of like a Facebook for Weight Watchers. People post before and afters, victories, videos, struggles. This never left me feeling good nor hopeful. It was just a reminder that I’m not victorious in my weight loss. My old thinking–I’ve failed. Delete!

Small transformations and He never gives up! He will keep nudging until we are going in the direction that He needs us to go. 

It’s certainly time for a switch-up in my nightly reading!

I head back to my office and begin meditating on the word “transformation.” I’m trusting God to remove the things in my life that drag me down–the things that I no longer want to be a part of but have a hard time removing (like Social Media and News). I pray on “freedom” and set my sights on what life will be like when I’m truly without chains! I believe that as my relationship in Christ deepens, those things that hold me, will fall away.

In the middle of this wonderful revelation, Satan fires his weapons against me!

How dare he come in and invade this time alone with God!
Can he really do such a thing?

I’m distracted and irritated. Gone is freedom and in its place is an opposition. I am in his battlefield and end my quiet time in the hopes of achieving a quick resolution.

I struggled for quite some time and did my best to utilize the wisdom that the Lord shared with me which I documented in my last post, “The Adversary.” A negative, hurtful thought would come at me and I praised God. I talked to Him, I prayed to Him, I thanked Him and eventually, in His strength, I was able to move on with my day. Hallelujah!

I was in great need of that devotion when it was time to get in the bed. I just had to hear from God in regards to this afternoon’s opposition. I couldn’t face tomorrow in the same fight.

Before reading, I closed my eyes and prayed:

“Lord, I need help in deciding what it is that I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to act on my own hurt emotions because I know exactly how I will handle it. I don’t want to do that because I know that isn’t the way You would handle it. Please help me! I want to be in Your will, not my own.”

In His faithfulness, the Lord spoke to me through His word. First, He showed me this from Ephesians 4:26 (NLT)

And, “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

Guilty of this and not just once!

Next scripture He showed me came from Romans 15:5-7 (NLT)

May God, who gives patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.

And glory to God is what I’m aiming for. This life is not about me. As long as God is given the glory, then I’m good!!

Yes, Dr. Stanley, sometimes the Lord’s instructions don’t make a bit of sense when first heard but if we act on it, we won’t be disappointed. He knew I’d need that devotional that night. I can assure you, I will be reading His word each night before bed. My transformation is in the making and I don’t want to hinder any of it! I praise God and I give Him all the glory for all that happens in my life (past, present and future). I share this because He is awesome, not only to me, but to you as well. Share your Good News! We just never know whose life it will impact!

God Bless!!

A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.

Ephesians 6:10-13

I’ve allowed that sneaky little devil to invade my mind once again! I cannot even tell you how it started or when it started. The Lord was moving me along in awesome speed, when all of sudden, I found myself feeling joyless and flat. My motivation to serve in a “godly” capacity was dwindling as each day went. I felt off and distracted. My focus was on earthly things instead of things above. I was struggling at home with mood and food and it started to come out at work.

I found myself murmuring and complaining to my coworkers. I didn’t feel that usual fulfillment and peace as I normally do when caring for others. I found it cumbersome, irritating and thankless. I felt taken advantage of by some of my residents. I just couldn’t please them. I took it personally. I wasn’t looking at their illnesses or disabilities. I was looking at myself. I was allowing negative feelings to crowd out what God had so graciously gifted me with.

I didn’t want to be there. I had thoughts of cutting my hours and maybe even looking for another job. I was searching the want ads and following a couple local senior communities that are due to open soon. Perhaps the grass would be greener on the other side. I could potentially make a little bit more money and if I did home-care, I could make my own hours. I was discontent and it was showing up in my words and in my actions.

I was trying to fill a void with a new job, a different set of hours, food, education and whatever else I could grasp that was readily available. Not only mentally deficient but also physically. I felt my body expanding, my clothes snug and my scrub pants constantly rolling down over the pot belly that the extra carbs had created. I was a mess! There was no thought to my actions. I was impulsive and greedy which led to exhaustion and lots of sleep. Only to wake up feeling a tremendous amount of guilt and shame because I’ve failed. I’ve failed God and I’ve failed me!

Isaiah 35:3,4 gives great reassurance:

Strengthen the weak hands,
and make firm the feeble knees.
Say to those who have an anxious heart,
“Be strong; fear not!
Behold, your God
will come with vengeance,
with the recompense of God.
He will come and save you.”

This devious cycle is vicious and it is one that Satan uses to take me down. It hasn’t failed him yet! Each time he uses this against me, I find his attacks stronger and more difficult to get out of. My usual response to him is to yank the control back into my hands. I do this by planning for a day or two on how I’m going to gain victory over him. Meanwhile, the people around me are miserable because I’m miserable!

My defense is always a diet program. This has always been my fight. I am under the impression that I’m winning when I’m following a food plan, perfectly. I cancelled my Weight Watchers subscription several days ago. I found myself concentrating on the numbers way too much. They started to determine my day and sometimes the following day. I didn’t want this so now I’m thinking of what other plan I can implement in order to get the devil off my back! In all honesty, I cancelled because it made me feel guilty because I was constantly going over my  points. I didn’t want to be reminded! 

1 Peter 5:6-10 says this:

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

I woke yesterday morning feeling heavy and shameful. Pizza and cookies the night before. Nothing outrageous but enough to send me to bed feeling miserable all over. I had many dreams but they were strange and disjointed. Nothing divine and inspirational. When I opened my eyes to a brand new day, I felt the same misery as I did before going to bed. I could have stopped it right there but I wasn’t privy to the wisdom that God blessed me with later in the day.

I listened to Charles Stanley, his radio message and his weekend message. In the back of my mind I was thinking french toast so my thoughts were not completely focused on what Charles was talking about. I was not motivated to get out of bed to take notes and I certainly wasn’t at my desk praying over his sermon nor reading God’s word.

I did end up having french toast and it was delicious. Homemade bread, lots of butter and syrup, sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar…my favorite!

I didn’t feel like writing nor having a quiet time but I did end up at my desk.

I love this scripture from Jeremiah 6:24. I relate to it perfectly in this moment!

We have heard the report of it;
Our hands fall helpless;
Anguish has taken hold of us,
Pain as of a woman in labor.

The ESV (English Standard Version) Bible says this when describing the above scripture:

Panic over the invading army will lead to physical helplessness like that of a woman in labor.

I was certainly feeling helpless and I can easily compare it to childbirth! Panic and no control over what was happening to my body. I just had to ride it out and it wasn’t pleasant. I am thankful for my daughter but bringing her into this world was frightening!

I found myself looking up “stronghold” in the Bible and I was looking for a definition. I ended up on a YouTube video and watched a four-minute message by Eric Mason, founding pastor of Epiphany Fellowship. He said that a stronghold is a pattern of wrong thinking; a mindset that hinders your growth.

Interesting! I need more!!

Creflo Dollar’s (founding pastor of World Changers Church International), “Secret to Victory in Spiritual Warfare” was up next. So I listened…

When I finished the message, my entire being had changed. I wasn’t depressed, I was hopeful. I didn’t feel heavy, I felt blessed and light. I felt saved and I was thankful that the Lord had intervened. I didn’t even ask for His saving grace. I was seeking and I wasn’t sure what it was that I was looking for. I did know that my relief would be in God but I wasn’t sure how it would be achieved. I just knew I had to look. I had faith that He was the only One that could change this foul mood that I was in.

Yes, I do believe that depression hits me from time to time. I do not take medication for it because I don’t believe it is something (at the moment) that needs to be treated. I’ve tried one in the past and I was not happy with it. It didn’t produce the effects that I would have liked. I took myself off and I’ve tried to cope in the only way that I know how when depression decides to rear its ugly head.

When I am feeling low in mood–this is Satan’s opportunity to invade. He plants all sorts of things into my mind, which is how his attacks always start. One thought and then all hell breaks loose. It’s the same pattern every single time!

I don’t have to listen to what Satan has to say. That is his goal. He wants me to look at him instead of at God. I know that Satan has lost. Our Lord and Savior is Victorious and as a believer I will rest eternally with Him. Satan will do what he can, while I am here on this earth to obliterate what God has put in me. He wants to take all the glory from God and use it to recruit other believers–to destroy us and the Good News that we share!  He does this by injecting his poison into our brains in the hopes of removing our faith and devotion to Jesus Christ. We have to take hold of Satan’s poison and turn it off as soon as it’s administered! We do this by getting with God. We are His children, He will rescue us from torment and He will save.

Creflo Dollar says that we need to rest in the Lord. That when we rest, the Lord works. When we are weak the Lord is strong.

Wait a minute!
Are you sure?
Rest?
How can that be?
I thought I had to work?

When I work, that takes the glory from God. Creflo says that there is work for me to do. I can’t just sit back with arms crossed. I have to cast out all thoughts that aren’t of God. I have to pray, praise and be thankful. I have to worship and read God’s word. This is my work. As far as taking care of Satan and His demons, the Lord will do that.

I honestly didn’t realize that I could just turn to God and He would do the rest. This makes me feel lazy and a good for nothing.

Let God do all the work?

The doors that I open for Satan need to be slammed shut!

When that first negative thought hits my mind, I need to rebuke it and give it God. Don’t listen to it. Don’t think about it. Don’t act on it. If I do, there is more to come. Quit grumbling and focusing on things that don’t come from God. Look ahead at what He has for you! Look at what He’s already done!!

We will make mistakes. We will take wrong turns. We will make decisions that aren’t in our best interest. We will fall into Satan’s traps. We aren’t alone in this war. Jesus didn’t go through such torment and pain for me to take control of things that are unseen. I don’t know how and I don’t have the strength. Jesus died to save us from hell, here on earth as well as eternally.

So when I rely on what I can do to take control back, then I’m eliminating God. When I’m working, there is no room for God to work. Let Him work. I need to remain peaceful and watch my actions. If a grumble starts to erupt…praise God. If there is complaining going on around me…praise God. If I’m complaining…praise God. If I’m low and depressed…praise God. I can be miserable and flat on my back and I can still seek God. He doesn’t expect a lengthy quiet time every morning.

He will use what we can give and when we can give more, do it!

2 Corinthians 12:9,10

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

***

Thank you Pastor Creflo Dollar for your message, “The Secret to Victory in Spiritual Warfare.”
Thank you Pastor Eric Mason for your message, “The Biblical Definition of Strongholds.”
Thank you Pastor Charles Stanley for always opening my heart to Jesus, first thing in the morning!

 

 

And now, O Lord, hear their threats, and give us, your servants, great boldness in preaching your word. Stretch out your hand with healing power; my miraculous signs and wonders be done through the name of your holy servant Jesus. After this prayer, the meeting place shook, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit. Then they preached the word of God with boldness.

Acts 4:29-31 (NLT)

I’ve recently signed up to volunteer with (this is the second time) the Elevation Church Online Welcome Team. I wrote a little bit about my experience (the first time) in my post, “Good News.”  I’m moved to write about it again because I have a heavy day of phone calls to make to people that have become new believers within the last month or to people that have recommitted their life to Christ. As part of the Online Welcome Team, I get to call them and see how they are doing since their life-changing decision.

I woke this morning feeling nervous and somewhat vulnerable but as my eyes cleared from a wonderful night of deep sleep, I moved to put my glasses on, as I do, every single morning, I dropped them behind my nightstand. This is a first! I could not see where they landed so I sat on the side of the bed and instead of dropping to the floor to find them, I remained in my upright position. My usual routine is to lie in bed and pray a short prayer of thankfulness and guidance but this morning, I was moved in a different direction in regards to my first morning conversation with God. 

I felt incredibly thankful for this day of God’s work. The opportunity to stay home and connect with new believers was exciting. I prayed for the people on the Welcome Team and all our connections. I prayed for Focus on the Family and the people in this ministry. I asked for blessings for the members on the forums that I respond to that are in crisis. I prayed for friends and family. I asked for guidance from the Holy Spirit–for my mind, my words, my actions today. That I be a good helper. That I reflect Jesus well. I prayed for an effective blog post.

I did all of this before my feet even hit the ground. How awesome to be guided even before I even asked for it. It wasn’t a coincidence that my glasses fell to the floor. It was a moment that the Lord used for me. He took the time to look my way and guide me in this day before it even started. Isn’t it wonderful to know that Jesus is one step ahead of us.

My feet hit the floor in great faith!

I made my list of goals for the day. Number one, is time with Jesus. This is most important because without Him, I go nowhere. He is what keeps me moving!

I brought my Bible and my many devotions to my desk with no clue on what the Lord would bring to me this glorious morning. I always start with a prayer asking for the Lord to join me. No fun having a quiet time if the Lord isn’t sitting here right next to me. I need to feel His presence and direction. Actually I know He’s always here but I like to ask because I feel it is appropriate. I don’t want to take advantage! It keeps me humble and submissive towards Him.

My prayer pose is usually with my hands in my lap and head bowed but the past week or so, I’ve started with my elbows on my desk and my palms against my cheeks and my fingers covering my eyes and extending up into my forehead. There is a safety and a comfort there. I feel close.

I remember as a child when things occurred that caused me great stress and sadness, I would sit on my floor with extremely loud music playing. It isn’t the sort of music I listen to today. I enjoy Christian music for the most part. There is much hope in the lyrics! As a teenager, my choice was usually Metallica. In that day, it was calming, beautiful and a way to escape. The heavy, crushing sound of the guitars and the angry voice of James Hetfield was numbing. I would put my hands to my face in the same sort of fashion and slowly rock back and forth until I felt the calm come. I distinctly remember a time that I was in this position while listening to Master of Puppets. I opened my eyes and started crying for help. Mentally, I was gone from my room. All that was before me was my metal, lavender closet door. There, appeared the face of Jesus! My anguish settled, I gazed at His brilliance and knew that I wasn’t alone.

I guess my hands to my face in prayer represent a time when Jesus first announced Himself to me. I felt safe then as I feel safe now!

I’m sitting at my desk this morning, hands on my face in prayer, asking for Jesus to sit with me and it feels good. I am in this position for quite some time. Peaceful, comforted and loved. I grabbed “Everyday in His Presence,” by Charles Stanley and open to January tenth. The opening scripture overtakes me immediately! It is one that I hold on to and I have for years. It holds a secret promise to me. I will share it with you when it comes to pass! It will be this year!! 

It comes from Luke 4:18

The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim release to the captives.

As I read this, I turned to the promise that God made to me so long ago and the word “anointed” jumped at me. I believe this word to mean only people of God are anointed like Jesus, pastors, nuns anyone of the clergy–people high up in the “godly food chain.”

Upon further research from the English Standard Version (ESV) I found this from 2 Corinthians 1:21,22:

To be anointed is to be set apart and gifted by God for his calling, symbolized in the Old Testament by the pouring of olive oil as a sign of God’s rich provision. It is also a play on the word “Christ,” which means “anointed one”; Christ’s messengers (us) are also anointed.

1 John 2:20 (ESV):

But you have been anointed by the Holy One and you all have knowledge.

I’m stuck on the word “anointed.” If I consider myself “anointed” then I’m prideful or boasting. I’m putting myself up there with Jesus. I don’t like this feeling so I’m moving to the rest of the devotion but I find that the Lord is gently bringing me back.

We are all anointed by the power of the Holy Spirit. When we accept Jesus as our Savior, He comes to live within us and He “anoints” us to do great things for Him. We are gifted, we are blessed and we are reflections of Him. To be anointed doesn’t mean that I’m trying to be Jesus or that I’m putting myself in His Holy category. What it means is that I have the power through the Holy Spirit to do the things that Jesus has put in me to do for Him. He is there to help as I share His good news and pray for others, alone and out loud.

Here is His promise from John 14:26 (ESV):

But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.

In my time with the Online Welcome Team connections, I don’t have to be nervous, scared and afraid.

Not only does the Lord show and promise me that He is with me (as my Helper) as I share and pray with others He even goes a step further and reminds me how to pray when I’m weak and feeling ineffective. Look at Acts 4:20 (NLT):

We may sometimes be afraid to share our faith in Christ because people may feel uncomfortable or reject us–if your courage to witness for God has weakened, pray that your boldness may increase. Remember Jesus’ promise, Everyone who acknowledges me publicly here on earth, I will also acknowledge before my Father in Heaven (Matthew 10:32)

He goes on to show me how to be bold in Acts 4:29-31 (NLT)

Boldness is not reckless impulsiveness. Boldness requires courage to press on through our fears and do what we know is right. How can we be more bold? Like disciples, we need to pray with others. To gain boldness, you can (1) pray for the power of the Holy Spirit to give you courage, (2) look for opportunities in your family and neighborhood to talk about Christ (3) realize that rejection, social discomfort, and embarrassment are not necessarily persecution, and (4) start where you are by being bolder in small ways.

Look and see how faithful and loving our God is. Absolutely mind-blowing!!! Next, He gives a step by step in prayer. It come from Acts 4:24-30 (NLT):

Notice how the believers prayed. First, they praised God; then they told God their specific problems and asked for His help. They did not ask God to remove the problem but to help them deal with it. We can follow this model when we pray. We may ask God to remove our problems, and He may choose to do so. But we must recognize that often He will leave a problem but give us the strength and courage to deal with it.

I am anointed by the Holy Spirit. I can be bold in my words for Christ because I have a Helper. I know how to pray for others. He has equipped me this morning. I can do this and all Glory goes to Him!!

This doesn’t just go for me. This goes for you too! We are all (those who believe) living by the power of the Holy Spirit! We can all be bold in whatever it is that Jesus has called us to do.

So be bold! We are anointed! And we have work to do. And we shall carry on until our time on this earth is finished. We are never finished growing, sharing, loving. Our relationship with Christ doesn’t ever stop. We will continue to grow deeper and bigger in Him. We have so much to look forward to.

Praise God!! I am feeling bold and anointed. Time for my first Welcome Team connection.

But wait–the Lord is not finished with me yet. I sent this message to my brothers and sisters serving alongside me on the Welcome Team:

No coincidence here….I’m sitting at my desk with my phone call connections before me and I’m feeling a little less than confident. I’ve been in prayer all morning about these phone calls because conversation and prayer are not my strongest points! The Lord led me to boldness and courage in my time with Him which I’m incredibly thankful for. He is so faithful. With my Courage and Boldness up front and ready to go, I turn my phone on and what do I see…Pastor Steven’s, “I Will Be Confident,” which has been delivered from the Elevation App. The Lord’s timing is always perfect! God Bless this Team and all Connections!!

I dialed my connection and it was amazing! The conversation was spirit-filled. Honesty and vulnerabilities were shared. We praised God and then it was time for prayer.

How can I pray for you today?

She told me her requests and in a shaky voice I started out. The words I spoke did not come from me. I was slow in speech (which is a good thing–I usually buzz right through in the hopes of a quick finish) concise, heartfelt, and wise. It was halfway through that I felt choked. I had to stop for a minute to gather myself. I felt my heart gripped by the strength of Holy Spirit. I was allowing Him to come forth with His words and this is victory! I cried and she cried and it was good! We both felt His love. It was much needed!! We ended with a promise to keep in touch and a thankfulness that we had found one another!

Friends, (Charles Stanley says this quite a bit and I like it) there is nothing in this world that feels as good as what the Lord has for us. I am truly in love with Jesus!!

I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt so you would no longer be their slaves. I broke the yoke of slavery from your neck so you can walk with your heads held high.

Leviticus 26:13

Yesterday morning, I questioned myself quite a bit. I am currently trying to understand God’s concept of “control.” I do know that I don’t want it but I continue to clutch it even though I know that I can do nothing with it. The whole idea of “Freedom in Christ” is one I cannot get. I am a person of strict discipline and perfection and so to be free of this is scary and foreign. When I let up a little bit, I feel completely out of control. I don’t feel safe!

How do I release my control?
How do I give You control?
How do I release old feelings that are not of You?
What does it feel like when I give up my control?
How will I feel when I give control to You?
The more I submerge myself in You and in Your will, will my control ultimately drop away?
Does this happen because I’m more in tune with You and with others? Not myself!

I am not feeling safe at the moment, which may be why I woke with questions and these words:

Pray and Fast

I have to admit that this scared the life out of me. Where is this coming from? Me? God? Satan?

My response:

I can’t!!

As I meditated on these words, I am most certain that to pray and fast is a quick way to whip me back into shape. Not His doing, my own. Not His control, but my own. I cannot allow myself to let go and let Him. As soon as I feel the control slipping away, I quickly latch right back onto it. I feel safe. I feel disciplined. I feel good. Currently, I feel myself losing control. I am scared and I want it back.

Leviticus 26:18 say this:

When calamity strikes us, we may not know the reason. It may be (1) the result of our own disobedience, (2) the result of someone else’s sin, or (3) the result of natural disaster. Because we don’t know, we should search our hearts and be sure we are at peace with God. His Spirit, like a great searchlight, will reveal those areas we need to deal with.

Could releasing control be seeking God first? Am I to ask Him to search my heart and flood me with His peace if I’m going His way? I can look back at past situations and discern who was really in control in that moment. I know the difference. I just need to acknowledge Him and follow through.

Lamentations 1:14

At first, sin seems to offer freedom. But the liberty to do anything we want gradually becomes a desire to do everything. Then we become captive to sin, bound by its “yoke.” Freedom from sin’s captivity comes only from God. He gives us freedom, not to do anything we want, but to do what He knows is best for us. Strange as it may seem, true freedom comes in obeying God–following His guidance so that we can receive His best.

In the past I would have taken this as:

I need to tighten the “yoke!” I need to beat myself up and get back on the right track! I need to gain control.

Romans 5:20

As a sinner, separated from God, you see His law from below, as a ladder to be climbed to get to God. Perhaps, you have repeatedly tried to climb it, only to fall to the ground every time you have advanced one or two rungs. Or perhaps the sheer height of the ladder seems too overwhelming that you have never even started up. What relief you should feel to see Jesus offering with open arms to lift you above the ladder of the law, to take you directly to God. Once Jesus lifts you into God’s presence, you are free to obey–out of love, not necessity, and through God’s power, not your own. You know that if you stumble, you will not fall back to the ground. Instead, you will be caught and held in Christ’s loving arms.

Perfect scenario of what I do in regards to my negative actions in life. I climb, I fight, I make a little progress and then I fall and it isn’t softly. I crash land at the bottom to only look up and see where it is that I have to get to. I become overwhelmed and give up. I give up until my life is so completely out of control that all I can do is start back up that ladder again. And the emotions that engulf me are pitiful. It isn’t until I think I’ve mastered that climb that my emotions turn around…success, victory, I did it, I feel good!

Proverbs 16:18

Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall.

Back on the ground I go! I am consumed with how I’m going to get back up. I dwell on all the ways I can move forward. The things that I need to do to win. I want those “good” feelings again. I cannot make it through the day if I am not feeling successful, safe and positive.

1 Corinthians 10:25-27

…when we become too worried about our every action, we become legalistic and cannot enjoy life. Everything belongs to God, and He has given us all things to enjoy. If we know something is a problem, then we can deal with it, but we don’t need to go looking for problems.

I really don’t know how to enjoy life because I am always on some sort of plan. It can be a plan for a higher education, a better job, weightloss, goals, dreams–the list goes on and on. Sometimes I wake in the morning and my aspirations are completely different from the morning before. I’m unsettled and scattered. I want to try this, I want to do this, what happens if I drop this?

1 Corinthians 10:31

Our actions must be motivated by God’s love so that all we do will be for His glory. Keep this as a guiding principal by asking, “Is this action glorifying God?” or “How can I honor God through this action?”

If I were to stop before my action and ask myself if this indeed does bring glory to God, perhaps the Holy Spirit would communicate with me what it is that I’m supposed to be doing. Why do I constantly have to validate everything?

I do not trust You enough to stop me in my behaviors. I do not trust you enough to turn to You and ask…is this enough? Have I had enough? I can’t see where you are leading me and when I think that you have let me go too far…I grab the control back because I am afraid. 

Galatians 5:16-18

Being led by the Holy Spirit involves the desire to hear, the readiness to obey God’s Word, and the sensitivity to discern between your feelings and His promptings. Live each day controlled and guided by the Holy Spirit. Then the words of Christ will be in your mind, the love of Christ will be behind your actions, and the power of Christ will help you control your selfish desires

I’ve been held for too long. And it isn’t the bondage that I thought that it was. I am held by something completely different from what I thought. I was battling something that wasn’t really the opposition. I see it now. I’m equipped because of You.

I am most certain that I’ve contaminated weaker believers in my desire to be godly. By keeping laws and regulations instead of being thankful for what it is that you’ve done for me. I’ve put others in my bondage–living through it right along with me. I’ve lost out in relationships that have affected my entire life. I’ve allowed myself to be incorrectly yoked! How has this affected my life? How has it affected my family? 

Romans 14:13

Both strong and weak Christians can cause their brothers and sisters to stumble. The strong but insensitive Christian may flaunt his or her freedom and intentionally offend others’ consciences. The scrupulous but weak Christian may try to fence others in with petty rules and regulations, thus causing dissension. Paul wants his readers to be both strong in the faith and sensitive to others’ needs. Because we are all strong in some areas and weak in others, we need to constantly monitor the effects of our behavior on others.

Galatians 6:18

How sad for a believer to be freed from the bondage of sin, only to return to rigid conformity to a set of rules and regulations! If you believe in Jesus Christ, you have been set free. Instead of going back into some form of slavery, whether to legalism or to sin, use your freedom to live for Christ and serve Him as He desires.

1 Corinthians 10:33

Paul’s criterion for all His actions was not what he liked best but what was best for those around him…if we make the good of others one of our primary goals, we will develop a serving attitude that pleases God.

Lord…help me understand what you’ve taught me this morning and help me release my control to You! I thank you for never giving up, always loving, forgiving, saving and for never leaving!!

***

This post was extremely difficult to write and I’m still somewhat perplexed over what the Lord has revealed to me this morning. I will continue to pray over His powerful words! I welcome any feedback, experiences, and wisdom!!

I dedicate this post to trust exercises and to M.H.

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all His glory.

Colossians 3:1-4

It has been rough at work the past several days. Charleston, South Carolina received an abundance of snow. There were many people that were unable to get to work due to the hazardous road conditions. There are several bridges where I live and most were shut down so commutes were almost impossible. The girls I work with were stranded at the assisted living community. People were tired and patience were running low especially by the middle of the second day. I, however, did not stay longer than my shift but I did end up working on one of my days off, which I find exhausting at times. I did not work long hours so I am not putting myself up there with my coworkers. I give them a huge pat on the back and a “ job well done” for hanging in and doing the best they could with what was handed to them. I also have to commend management because they stepped in and helped out where needed. Our business manager was in the kitchen, in the dining room and on the phones. Sales and Marketing cooked dinner and looked after staff and residents. Nursing cooked breakfast. Maintenance shoveled the walkways and parking lot. Our director put in extra hours to be sure the team was supported and encouraged. We truly pulled together to keep our residents fed and well-cared for.

As I type this, I’m pleased and proud of our senior community! It is truly a nice building to work in. Renovations are almost complete and it’s refreshing to have all things brand new. We are small in numbers which gives the place a family-like atmosphere, especially among the residents. They all, for the most part, know each other. They look after one another and if someone is missing they know and they want answers!

I can honestly say that the past three days (perhaps even longer) I’ve been miserable! I’ve grumbled and complained, felt stressed and depressed. 

We are on day four of this “storm” and there is still ice and snow on the roads. This sort of “mess” is not something that this southern city experiences often. It is a chore to take the dog out for his daily walks (at least four times a day) for fear of doing back-flips on the ice. One evening I was on the phone to my friend while out walking the dog in the dark and nearly ended up on my back-side. Irritation immediately consumed me! My friend thought that I had been knocked unconscious because in my fight to stay upright, I had accidentally pushed the mute button so she could not hear my reassurances that I was okay.

In all of this frustration and craziness, I tend to revert to behaviors that I find defeating and dismal. I become joyless and I can’t seem to find a silver lining anywhere!

“If I can get through these three days then I can reconnect with God. I will be removed from my current dilemmas and escape into what God has for me. When I’m communicating with Him, my life doesn’t matter. The focus moves from my discomfort to Him.”

I couldn’t wait for my day off, which is today and tomorrow. And I was excited to be home because all I wanted to do was pray, read, and write. I was in great anticipation to spend time with Jesus. I missed Him and I missed our time together.

I am beginning to see an unhealthy pattern. I live a life that is split! On the days I work, I’m just trying to make it through the shift. I have a quick quiet time in the morning which sets me (somewhat) up to deal with the day. I try to remain focused on God but I find it difficult when my patience is tried, there is grumbling going on around me (including me), and coworkers are battling for one reason or another. I find I’m more earthly rather than godly. I’m not placing blame anywhere. This is my own doing. We are in control of how we tackle our day and what we choose to set our sights on.

Look what Joshua 24:15 says:

The people had to decide whether they would obey the Lord, who had proven His trustworthiness, or obey the local gods, which were only hand-made idols. It’s easy to slip into a quiet rebellion–going through life in your own way. But what will control you? The choice is yours. Will it be God, your own limited personality, or another imperfect substitute? Once you have chosen to be controlled by God’s Spirit, reaffirm your choice every day.

I will add this to my daily prayer!

I did make it through my three days of work!

I know this sounds ridiculous because there are those that really put in a full week of work (and sometimes more as in the case of my coworkers this past week) but I have to remind myself that we are each in our own daily walk and nobody can place themselves in another’s path. What God has for each of us is entirely different from what He has for another.

I couldn’t help coming home yesterday and just sitting and thinking. I felt drained and there wasn’t a lick of strength to do anything productive. As I sat in my own thoughts, I pictured myself doing “things” for God every second of every day. I grabbed my phone and researched jobs in ministry. I came across worship leaders, accounting, technical assistants and production. Nothing that I am qualified for. Nothing that really peaked my interests. I searched for local church employment and came up empty on that as well.

“If only I could get up in the morning and pray, read and write all day long! I want this to be my job. I don’t want to get up in the morning, shower, make my lunch and go to work. I want stay here!”

I became distraught over my “dilemma.” My mind went wild thinking of all the things that I could do for God. Disappointment set in, so I turned to my Bible in the hopes of finding inspiration!

It wasn’t until I sat down this morning that I really questioned who had the control in my life. Do I give control to God in one area and then hold on to the control in other areas? I often envision myself with one toe on the ground and the other parts of me heaven-bound. I get upset when I allow that toe to bring me back to old thoughts and routines. I guess I think that if I surround myself in the things that I know come from God then I will be free. I don’t believe the life of a Christian is that easy. We have to face life situations. We have to go to work, face struggles in our health, battle with others for one reason or another, lose a loved one, face crisis with our children, grow old…we can’t escape any of it. We are human for now!

We can switch our thoughts. In my devotion this morning, which came from, “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young she says this:

Ask My Spirit to control your mind so that you can think great thoughts of Me. Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark.

I have a job in ministry! It may not be what I am imagining but it is serving, caring, and loving the elderly. I envision it sometimes as a toe on the ground. Actually, lately, I’m consumed by this thought. I feel it slipping into the distance because it isn’t fulfilling me as it used to because I’m looking at what’s wrong instead of what I can do to bring in God’s glory.

I am a reflection of God’s Light. We are all a reflection of God’s Light!

I actually just learned of His “reflection” just the other day. I often pray each morning that I be a light to the people that I encounter throughout my day…that I be a blessing. I didn’t realize that I’m not the light nor will I ever be. God is the Light and I am His reflection. I’m going to diligently try to keep my focus on God while I’m at work. I will tune out what keeps my toe on the ground and look up to my Heavenly Father. I will walk in His Spirit, in this job, until He moves me elsewhere. I’m most certain He will. I feel a change about to happen and I’m excited. I need to be patient. I need to allow Him the time to work and transform so I’m ready and able.

I have the choice to reflect outward or I can retreat into my own dimness and imperfection.

We all have this choice and it is confirmed in Matthew 4:17

Becoming a follower of Christ means turning away from our self-centeredness and “self” control and turning our life over to Christ’s direction.

Not only sometimes but all the times!!