Missed opportunities…such as sharing God with a desperate, hurting acquaintance. Much time spent together. I clearly saw personal struggles and her need for help. God’s help! Why would He give me Divine Opportunites in my disobedience? She’s no longer here! How heartbroken I felt when I heard this news. Was there something I should have said to her as we conversed about the weather and daily life?
I pondered this unfortunate event for several days until a mentor told me that God is not so small that He wouldn’t have come to her in those last moments and announced Himself…a last worldly intervention by Him to bring His daughter into His peace and comfort. God doesn’t need me to complete His work here on this earth. He will accomplish what He’s set out to do and I’m not a necessary part of His plan. I am, however, part of His plan but it’s my choice in whether I want to participate! This I want, but there is something that needs to happen before this deeper life with Christ will begin.
Oswald Chambers calls it the “Great Divide.” I believe this is where I’m standing at this moment. From his book, “My Utmost for His Highest,” Oswald writes:
“The battle is lost or won in the secret places of the will before God, never first in the external world. The Spirit of God apprehends me and I am obliged to get alone with God and fight the battle out before Him. Until this is done, I lose every time. The battle may take one minute or a year, that will depend on me, not on God; but it must be wrestled out alone before God, and I must resolutely go through the hell of a renunciation before Him…In dealing with other people, the line to take is to push them to an issue of will. That is the way abandonment begins. Every now and again, not often, but sometimes God brings us to a point of climax. That is the Great Divide in the life; from that point, we either go towards a more and more dilatory and useless type of Christian life, or we become more and more ablaze for the glory of God…”
Journal Entry: April 6, 2020
Father…what can I write and share with someone? I pray to be fed by you but I also pray I can feed others with what you’ve given me.
After a time of prayer, I hear His voice:
“You have to lay it down. In order to move forward into the bigger things I have for you, you have to lay it down. It can be no other way.”
I look everywhere else but to God. I look at the things I can do. I make excuses. I call it Freedom; it is nothing.
“It is time to switch your loyalty. It is time to see what is false and what is True. Do you want this divine job or not? You know where your strength comes from. You know I’m here. You tell people this all the time. ‘He will neither fail or forsake you.’ Believe this for yourself!”
Father…I owe you an apology. I’ve made a big mess out of things. Out of fear and panic, I made wrong decisions. Instead of coming to you, I took matters into my own hands. This only caused grief, sorrow, disappointments, and ultimately missed opportunities with you. I am sorry! Out of obedience and fear of you, I pray for forgiveness. I pray for strength. I pray for your help. Until I exert the muscle to “lay it down,” I will sit in the belly of the whale (Jonah, Holy Bible).
I cannot carry out divine purposes when I’m carrying out personal satisfaction on this earth. It just won’t work. Always a child of God, Salvation guaranteed but nothing deeper than this. Nothing will ever separate us from God’s love (Romans 8:38, 39) but I want more. My heart is in an incontrollable state it desires more! It just isn’t satisfied in this current position! I do not want to sit on the sidelines eating popcorn, content. I’m made for so much more. We are all made for so much more (John 15:16, The Passion Translations)!
The Lord’s warning:
“Close your windows! If you don’t, the enemy will come in!”
And then He showed me Scripture:
1 Corinthians 13:11 (TPT)
When I was a child, I spoke about childish matters, for I saw things like a child and reasoned like a child. But the day came when I matured, and I set aside my childish ways.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (New Living Translation)
Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.
April 7, 2020
Father…I have heard you, “You have to lay it down.” Thank you for the strength to do just that. You carry me through. I stick close to you, I will be victorious by the power of the Holy Spirit. This time is different. This time you are my Savior. I choose you. I put down childish things and look to you. No expectations, only closeness with you each day!
Romans 8:37 (King James Bible)
Nay, in all things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
How does God accomplish His will on earth? He does it largely through people willing to obey Him. We are to offer ourselves as doers of God’s will, asking Him to guide, lead and give us the means to accomplish His purposes. He is our Sustainer and Provider and we must trust Him daily to provide what He knows we need (Matthew 6:10, Study Notes from Application Bible).