man and child walking near bushes during daytimeI was extremely hopeful that my posts would be elevated due to what Jesus has taught me thus far. I had every intention of writing on inspirational topics instead of my own downfalls, as I’ve exhaustively already done. I strongly felt that all my inadequacies had been poured out–that I had turned a corner! I thought I was renewed and waiting patiently for what He had for me next.

There is no predicting or figuring out what the Lord is doing or where He’s headed. At least, this has been my own experience. I would love for you to share yours!!

He has shown me that I have no love for myself. A new door to my inner being has been opened, and I’m told that this area needs a major renovation and if I hang on to His strength and wisdom, I will find His amazing love which will supersede the discontent and intolerance that I have for myself.

I’m not going to delve into my weaknesses (because you already know them if you’ve been following my blog), but I was derailed and rather quickly. I’m back in familiar, unwanted territory, and I’m not happy about this at all.

The devil’s schemes of doubt and distraction have overtaken me. I am held hostage in his pit of despair. I’m tired, downtrodden, blank and flat, seeking comfort in my old vices; I am rendered helpless and hopeless once again!

I was pathetically stretched out on the bed one afternoon due to my inability to motivate towards something productive!

I mentally began a divine conversation in the hopes for some freedom, comfort, and peace.

“I need you, Jesus. Help me!”

His response:

“Your mind is divided. It’s not what you do that divides your mind, Racinda. It’s who you are listening to. It’s what you are allowing into your mind. I certainly don’t give you a spirit of defeat and failure. You are listening to the wrong side. This will certainly create a disconnection between us.”

In the Concordance of my Bible (NLT), I looked up “division,” and I’m shown James 4:8:

Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands you sinner; purify your hearts, for your loyalty, is divided between God and the world.”

I have an incredible amount of love, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, forgiveness, and joy for others, praise God for this!! I am an encourager! I find my worth in serving God and people. I will do all that I’m able because this is where I feel love.

Romans 5:9 talks of God’s Almighty love for us:

The love that caused Christ to die is the same love that sends the Holy Spirit to live in us and guide us every day. The power that raised Christ from the dead is the same power that saved you and is available to you in your daily life. Be assured that, having begun a life with Christ, you have a reserve of power and love to call on each day for help to meet every challenge or trial. You can pray for God’s love and power as you need it.

The love that Jesus has for me and for you, is not fickle. It doesn’t depend on whether we are “good” or “bad.” He loves us regardless of where we are in life and what we are doing. I do not have this type of love for myself. I love who I am when I’m encouraging the people around me. When I’ve come up short, in anything that I attempt to do in my personal life, I feel challenged, anxious, fearful, and defeated. I do not know how to love myself through this; I have a hard time understanding and accepting how God can.

We were created in God’s image; we are a reflection of His glory!

Genesis 1:26 puts it this way:

Knowing that we are made in God’s image and thus share many of his characteristics provides a solid basis for self-worth. Human worth is not based on possessions, achievements, physical attractiveness, or public acclaim. Instead, it is based on being made in God’s image. Because we bear God’s image, we can feel positive about ourselves. Criticizing or downgrading ourselves is criticizing what God has made and the abilities he has given us.

In my moments of despair, I do not allow my Father to care and love me. I’m so filled with hatred and disgust that His love cannot fill me as it should. I turn away and block His intentions. He doesn’t leave me in my desperation, and I know this! I do trust and have faith that each struggle that I encounter will be lifted up, In Jesus’ Name! I will learn and grow from each experience.

Jesus loves you and me unconditionally!

He is not ruling in heaven and judging my every setback. He’s not pointing His finger at me and demanding that I do better next time. He does not hold back His love in order to cause a sense of inferiority and unworthiness. There are no underlying intentions or deceit. I can walk freely with Him without worry or fear. Vengeance and wrath are not for me.  

Before falling asleep two nights ago, I read Psalm 37. I shared these verses with a divine friend because they grabbed hold of my heart, and I wanted the same for her.

Verse 17 says this, “…but the Lord takes care of the godly.”

In my Bible, I wrote:

The Lord takes care of me a thousand times over as I care for Alice. I have patience and love for this woman. I guide and support her as she walks. I’m her helper. Isn’t Jesus this way towards me? YES!!

My eyes tear up as I write this for you! My skin lifts as the Presence of my Father in Heaven fills me, surrounds me and loves me!!

Verse 42: “Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” Beside this scripture, I write:

He is a Father who cares. He will not hurt me!

Jesus is holding my hand, loving me through all my circumstances, never changing, never withholding, and never punishing.

Verse 28: He will keep them safe forever.

I am covered by His precious blood, sealed and saved forever. Nothing that I do will ever separate me from God’s love. I am His child and He is my Father!! 


For more on Alice, please see, “He Speaks.”

Thank you to my divine friend, Joyce, for a blessed conversation last night!! God has good things in store for you!!

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